so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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