just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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