there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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