went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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