I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize