nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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