We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize