eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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