i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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