I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize