hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize