Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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