Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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