her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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