I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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