I think my vagina is haunted
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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