You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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