She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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