I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize