maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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