I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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