This girl is more easily done than said...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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