Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

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  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6487) Bad night (601)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is

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  (314): we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke. (1-314): i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is http://tfl.nu/c6uw
  Replies (26) Good night (2368) Bad night (449)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers

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  (231): we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers http://tfl.nu/anad
  Replies (33) Good night (8212) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?

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  (573): how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain? http://tfl.nu/ptj1
  Replies (7) Good night (3153) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

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  (515): you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/cw9o
  Replies (12) Good night (6124) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?

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  (718): If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing? http://tfl.nu/2caf
  Replies (29) Good night (2852) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.

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  (256): I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me. http://tfl.nu/r79q
  Replies (13) Good night (1121) Bad night (5344) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Strong 6

  (516): View more from New York

  That's an oxymoron.

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  (516): On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck? (201): Strong 6 (516): That's an oxymoron. http://tfl.nu/n45n
  Replies (32) Good night (1222) Bad night (4221)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  That's the best idea I've heard all day.

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  (248): Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls. (1-248): That's the best idea I've heard all day. http://tfl.nu/w1qi
  Replies (30) Good night (8949) Bad night (2521)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside

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  (586): so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside http://tfl.nu/qiju
  Replies (4) Good night (3105) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

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  (804): They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dkws
  Replies (4) Good night (2946) Bad night (645)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.

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  (773): I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax. http://tfl.nu/p0im
  Replies (10) Good night (2326) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment

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  (720): It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment http://tfl.nu/cuki
  Replies (8) Good night (1562) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.

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  (914): I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me. http://tfl.nu/p01s
  Replies (1) Good night (1604) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now

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  (401): I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now http://tfl.nu/a0kr
  Replies (4) Good night (926) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt

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