What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize