sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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