i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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