i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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