I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize