I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize