you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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