The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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