i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Are my feet made of real feet?
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it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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