So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize