do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just found a bag of teeth...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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