We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
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Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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