So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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