I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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