My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize