there's paper in my vomit.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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