Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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