last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he thought i was a dude.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize