Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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