I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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