Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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