I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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