This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
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Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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