She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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