i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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