started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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