That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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